got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize