i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
