oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
