two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
