I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
