my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
