My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
