Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
