I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
