He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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