i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's the barista slut.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
