remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
