I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
