it was like his penis was on wheels.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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