but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am naked and annoyed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
