uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
