If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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