Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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