I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm getting married
To pizza
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
