the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize