how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
