Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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