Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
