i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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