I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
