Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He did a backflip because drugs
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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