You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
