I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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