having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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