Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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