Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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