Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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