We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
