It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Your cock deserves a montage
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize
