I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
