Rock
Scissors
Fuck
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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