all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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