Screwed.edu
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
