I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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