I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
