I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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