You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
