Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
