we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
