doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
