Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize