when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
