Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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