I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
