Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize