If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
