He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
