weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize