even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
