you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
