I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
