Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
