went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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