I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
