Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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