are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
