I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
