you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
