Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't deserve a penis
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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