You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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