we made out on top of his cat.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it was like eating out sand paper
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
