So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
