He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
