Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So. Much. Porn.
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